Author: Michael

I’m sorry, I know I post about these things a few days after they’re really relevant, but that’s what happens when your life is filled with too many things and you don’t have time to keep up with your blog. So what is going on with society? Is it all connected? Is the fact that we have another 4 years with that bozo really connected to Janet Jackson’s nipple?

I am, of course, referring to this. The television network (and a host of others involved) apologized after numerous viewers complained about a pre-show spot airing at 9 p.m. before “Monday Night Football.” The spot, as I’m sure you all know, featured Nicolette Sheridan seducing Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens in a locker room. There was no nudity, only “implied nudity,” as Sheridan drops her towel in a locker room and jumps into Owen’s arms. Apparently, implied nudity is now enough to tick off enough people to cause an television network to apologize. And to think, for a while we were seeing naked butts on “NYPD Blue.” Now, suddenly because of Janet Jackson’s nipple a little implied nudity is verbotten. I have to tell you, this causes me to feel a bit of concern.

Are we becoming so prudish that a woman’s naked back, something we see in countless ads for soap, shampoo, and shaving cream, is now off limits? There was an article in a recent issues of something I was reading (I want to say that it was EW, but I’m not 100% sure) that talked about several network affiliates refusing to run the uncut version of SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, not because it features one of the most realistically violent openings ever committed to screen, but because the word “fuck” is used too many times to bleep. These affiliates were afraid of being penalized with the new, steep fine that has been instituted since (you guessed it) Janet Jackson’s nipple. (Don’t get me started on the way American society glorifies violence but demonizes sex.)

If I seem a bit preoccupied by Janet’s breast, well, I just don’t get it. I’m not going to go on about it here, but let me just say that I am so horrified by the level of puritanism that is currently running rampant in the United States in 200-fucking -4!

So I’m over a week lake, I still wanted to report on our weekend in homage to that scariest of horror films, THE EXORCIST. The devilish events revolved around a Saturday night show of Ryan Landry’s latest madcap spoof, “The Exorsissy!” Ryan and his Gold Dust Orphans tackle a 70’s blockbuster film with a gay twist. Young Ronald Reagan McNeil is a little boy who wants to wear a two-piece bathing suit and play with dolls, much to his mother’s chagrin. You see, Mom, Chris McNeil (played by Landry himself) is a Republican woman running for the Presidency. It’s bad enough that she’s from Boston, the possibility of a gay son… and adopted from Iran to top it all off! Besides the usual expected hijinks and laughter from a Ryan Landry production, “The Exorsissy” had another draw for us. Scot and our good friend Gianna’s hairdresser, Elise Garfinkel, played young Reagan while possessed by the demon (below left). Elise puked and cursed her way through a hilarious second act, with Landry spot on poking fun at politics, gender, and, of course, the catholic church. And I always enjoy seeing the sassy and sexy Afrodite (check her out on the right) as Lt. Thelma F. Kinderman. Gianna and Chris (of lymejello fame) joined me and Scot for the chilling and silly fun.

But that’s not all the devil we enjoyed that weekend! Scot recently discovered a website to get some “hard-to-find” DVD’s (thanks to the afore-mentioned Chris). The site is called 5 Minutes to Live and the bizarre DVDs available here is pretty astounding. From “The Dinah Shore Portal to Hell,” to “Jeff Stryker’s How to Enlarge Your Penis,” there is a wealth of bad pirated DVDs available for the purchase. Scot mined the depths of 5 Minutes to Live and came up with a handful, but the one we’re talking about now requires a bit of a preface.

Apparently, the Turkish film industry is based on remaking Hollywood blockbusters using Turkish actors. Sometimes the Turkish version of a film is a scene by scene recreation, sometimes it uses actual footage from the original, and sometimes is strays into its own territory. Scot was thrilled to enjoy THE TURKISH EXORCIST. The Turkish version does away with the Christianity, substituting Islam (although it was not as prevalent) and the actress who plays the mother couldn’t hold a candle to Ellen Burstyn, but the little girl bore a striking resemblance to Linda Blair, and the effects were just as good (?) as the original! What a demonic weekend!

As of this typing, the morning after election day, things are not looking good. Naturally, there is no decision as yet, with all eyes on Ohio rather than Florida this year. I’m not going to write about all the reasons why I am incredulous, not only that it looks like we’ll have to put up with another four years of hell, but the House and the Senate picked up a few Republican seats as well, but I do have to comment briefly on one thing I saw on CBS-News. At exit polls, CBS-News reported that “Moral Values” was the number one issue influencing voter’s presidential choice at 52%, followed by the economy, and terrorism. The reporter went on to explain that “Moral Values” included not only such controversial issues as abortion and gay marriage, but Super-Bowl half-time shows and Britney Spears videos.

Huh? People are choosing the president because of Janet Jackson’s nipple? This, and this alone is enough to make me seriously consider that move to Canada. That’s all I’m going to say on this matter. I’m going to go mourn our country’s future.

There, I’ve said it. And I’ll say it again. Mary Cheney is a lesbian. Of all the many (and there are many, as we all know) crazy things about that other political party, the outrage of so many about that mere statement of fact as uttered by Senator Kerry during the final debate, has got to be the craziest. In context, the Senator was saying such nice things about Ms. Cheney and her father too. It’s rather mind-boggling. It’s not like Kerry said, Mary’s a dyke. Or Mary’s a rug-muncher. No, a simple statement of fact; one that Mary’s own father has already confirmed, is enough to get all sorts of folks up in arms. I just read that a recent poll of voters taken by The Washington Post, shows that 2/3 of voters felt that Kerry’s statement was inappropriate. Whoo boy. Even the log cabin republicans, gay men and women themselves (presumably) have gotten into the act.

Okay, that’s as political as I want to get right now. Next thing you know I’ll be talking about the Boston Red Sox making it to the World Series for the first time since 1987. If they win, it will be the first time since 1918. Isn’t it ironic that I was actually in New York (a conference in Rochester) on the night the Sox beat the Yankees for the American League championship? I have to report that one woman, a New York resident, said to me, “It’s about time they won. They deserve it. Just don’t tell my husband I said that.”

It’s really all about baseball and politics this time of year, isn’t it? Seen any good movies lately?

One of the biggest alternative bands of the late-80’s/early-90’s was the Boston-based quartet The Pixies (pictured left). Lead singer Black Francis went on to solo career under his given name, Frank Black. Bassist/vocalist had a successful fling with her new band The Breeders. I never really noticed what was going on with drummer Dave Lovering or lead guitarist Joey Santiago. Still, The Pixes combined Black’s screaming vocals, the bands crunching guitars, sci fi-influenced lyris, and strangely compelling pop melodies extremely successfully. Certainly the pinnacle of their pop success was the eminently catchy ‘Here Comes Your Man.’

Recently, as is the want of must musical acts, The Pixies reunited. Like me, lead guitarist Joey Santiago is half-Filipino (below). I never really thought we shared a resemblance when the band was in its heyday, but shave a couple of heads and grow a couple of goatees, and voila! I’m a member of The Pixies! I didn’t really notice this until Clinton (program director of the Coolidge Corner Theatre) saw the band on the cover of The Boston Phoenix several months ago and did a double-take. He was surprised to learn that I was moonlighting as a member of The Pixies! Well, I finally took a look at the newly shorn Santiago in a photo from the September 22-October 5, 2004 issue of The Improper Bostonian, and I have to say, the resemblance is a pretty strong one. Take a look for yourself below.