Category: Animals that aren’t cats

Quite by accident, I found myself watching a Canadian, computer-generated children’s cartoon called Turbo Dogs this afternoon. I’m a little concerned about the behavior of these professional race car-driving pooches.

In the segment I watched, one pup, appropriately named Stinkbert, is disturbed to realize that he may have put the damper on a fellow cur’s birthday celebration because of his foul smell. See, Stinkbert’s got a rather significant problem, not only with hygeine, but with behavior. His offensive odor is not caused by, you know, anything internal, but rather because of his compulsive need to roll in refuse. Yes. Stinkbert is a garbage addict.

Once he realizes the apparent effect his problem has on his dear friends, Stinbert — to his credit — decides to get clean. Literally. He learns to bathe, disinfect his home, and with much difficulty, even withstand violent compulsive urges to roll around in the trash. However, since no one helps him with behavior modification, he’s left with nothing to do but sit bored, contemplating the satisfaction he’s denying himself every second.

Eventually, Stinkbert overhears his friends’ plans to meet at the municipal dump. Unable to restrain himself any longer, he speeds off in his convertible, intent on a full hedonistic waste binge. Though one canine races alongside him pleading with him to come to his senses and reconsider, he blasts off in a dangerous burst of speed and reaches the junk pile where his remaining friends are urging him not to enter.

Obviously distraught by his conflicting desires, he implores them to stand aside, claiming “I am sorry. I tried to get clean for you, but I’ve just gotta be me!” His comrades eventually relent because they say that they never wanted him to change. In fact, they have been at the dump setting up a “stink party” for Stinkbert to celebrate his valiant attempts to get clean. Stinkbert immediately commences rolling in discarded fish parts vowing to get clean once again, but not for his or his friends’ well being. Rather, he wants to repeat the torturous exercise again because it makes the high of getting smelly all the more potent.

The vignette ends with the enabling pooches placing clothespins on their snouts so they may continue to ignore their loved one’s serious problem.

Sad. That’s all I can say. I wish Stinkbert well and hope that some day he finds within himself the courage and strength to overcome his addiction. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.